Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sext me about skeletons
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
