If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
