My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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