I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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