I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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