So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
