I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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