is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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