Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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