paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
