that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
