If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
