so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
