I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
