I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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