The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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