Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
