Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
