i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No subtext here. People are naked.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
