he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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