I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
