i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
