allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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