She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Couch. On fire.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
