There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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