I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
