This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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