my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
