i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
this is an emotional support booty call
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
