also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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