My underwear smells like fireworks.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need a beard to bite.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
