as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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