Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
