Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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