he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
