I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I deserve this hangover.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
