if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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