Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize