got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
