That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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