i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize