Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
