We won't sleep together?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
