My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
