Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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