How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
