I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
