Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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