I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
