I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
