i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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