I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
