it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
