Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize