Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
