she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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