Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
