Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
