I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
