Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
