YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
