She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
