maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
