I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
