So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
