I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
