Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
