North Korea, Best Korea!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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