I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
