1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
false alarm. still invincible.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
