toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
