Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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