the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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