I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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